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Jolly Thirteen Predictions for 2017 and Review of 2016

2016 was, shall we say, a difficult to year to predict. Despite that, some members of the Jolly Thirteen Club had some tragically dead on predictions and humorous misses.

As per our annual tradition, the Jolly Thirtreen Club met at One Mile House on the 13th of January to reveal the results of last year's predictions and make entirely new predictions for 2017. Will we finally prove ourselves to have psychic powers of precognition? Probably not, but we'll still have fun!

Click below to read the predictions for 2017 and see how we did in 2016.

Predictions for 2016 Scored

Omri Abarbanel
  • Android N will be "Nougat" - Correct!
  • Charlie Sheen dies – Wrong!
  • Martin Shkreli will buy another drug and increase the price – Wrong!
  • Martin Shkreli will declare bankruptcy – Wrong!
  • NYC will have a warm winter -  J-36/40, F – 40/45, M – 48/57, D – 42/42, Correct!
Alice Cichon
  • Apple will buy Tesla – Wrong!
  • Trump says that Hitler or Mussolini did nothing wrong – Subjective to a point but couldn’t find actual statement.
  • Betty White and Lil Wayne die – Wrong!
  • Yoko Ono will release another album, no one will give a shit – Wrong!
  • Ted Cruz has a mistress – Rumored but not proven, Wrong!
Tiffany Crespi
  • Hillary Clinton wins the presidential race – Wrong!
  • Serious mass transit terrorist attack (within NYC or another major American metropolitan mass transit system) – Wrong!
Bill Dowling
  • Human trials for an HIV vaccine – Correct! New clinical trial in South Africa, as per NIH report
  • An anti-gay rights candidate will be found to be involved in gay sex – no new "scandal" but Randy Boehning, who voted against LGBT came out as bisexual. Partial credit.
  • Oklahoma will have a record number of earthquakes – Wrong! Number of earthquakes decreased this year, depending on source the range is from 900 – 6,750 in 2015 and 500 – 4,400 in 2016
  • There will be a mass shooting in the US (5+ victims), no new gun control – Sadly correct.
Jonathan Kwiat
  • Large Hadron Collider produces no new physics. – Lots of results not sure about new physics.
  • They are going to find that transcranial direct current stimulation for cognitive enhancements is bad for you – No negative side effects found on PubMed, tentatively Wrong!
Mitch Lampert
  • Trump is elected president – Sadly correct.
  • Progress will be made for Raves in Space – Depends on what you mean by progress!
Jonathan Nelson
  • The world will be in shock when a large earthquake in Asia causes the death of dozens or even hundreds of people - There was an earthquake in Indonesia that killed 102, no one was shocked, or cared it seems... Correct on geothermal activity, wrong about people being decent.
  • John McCain will be revealed as having a terminal illness – Wrong!
  • Mike Adams is arrested – Wrong!

Predictions for 2017

Anna Chernyshenko 
  • Jennifer Lopez gets married again. (Bonus if it’s to Ben Affleck)
  • Britain leaves the European Union
  • Peace in Syria
  • Another country wishes to leave the EU (Bonus if it’s France
Ricky Evans aka “Da Hood Prophet” has come down from the mountains of Foresight in the land of Enlightenment to bless you with his glimpses of the future:
  • A major US politician will be assassinated, to the detriment of the US. This will happen while this politician is still in office.
  • A viral video craze will sweep the nation. The root? One word: cuddling.
  • A pandemic will hit the US. It will only spread among the anti-vaccinationists, spawning conspiracy theories on the far-right AND far-left.
Be honored that the venerable one has deigned to share his wisdom with you.
Jonathan Nelson
  • Justice League film will get pushed into the black only by the Chinese market.
  • One or more people will die from a nuclear weapon.
  • Health fad of 2017: PUMPKIN SEEDS!
  • John McCain dies of a broken heart.
  • Chipotle will make thousands of people seriously ill.
  • The majority of Americans will be happier with their healthcare than they are with ACA
  • There will be an assassination attempt on Trump
Michael Rosch
  • CRISPR will make headlines for new advances in science and medicine.
  • Wonder Woman + Justice League will be met with a mixed to negative response from audiences.
  • 20-30 million Americans will lose their healthcare.
  • Health properties will be discovered in bacon, according to one study.
  • Bonus: North by Northwest Actress Eva Marie Saint will die.
  • Ruth Bader Ginsberg will politely call Trump and idiot (or use similar words to describe him.
  • The ACA will be repealed and NOT replaced.
  • Switzerland will have a terrorist attack.
Kit Krash
  • The world will get warmer
  • Presidents will  now be chosen via social media and the candidates will me millionaires and celebs, a game show will go all four years long to choose the candidates.
  • We will discover large amoebas the size of dogs on one of the moons of Jupiter.
  • Keith Richards will still be alive but on life support.
  • Twerking will make its way to the White House. 

References (49)

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Reader Comments (1)

Exact expectation is impractical on the premise of the horoscope. We just make surmises on some unexplained and unsubstantiated speculations, some of which, by possibility, work out as expected. The reasons toppaperservice are: The essential idea of crystal gazing that the sun, every one of the planets and every one of the stars rotate round the earth, which was accepted by individuals of the beginning of civilization, has been ended up being mistaken.

June 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlastair Arran

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